I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
