if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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