Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
