Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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