just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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