Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
