I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
