Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
