You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
