If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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