I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
