apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
