i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
