All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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