3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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