I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
