woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
