I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
