Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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