Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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