I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
