The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
