Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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