I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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