I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
