you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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