Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
