he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
