Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
