dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
