remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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