Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
