My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish you could order shots online.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
