I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
