went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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