she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
