girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
