Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
