I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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