I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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