you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
