You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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