I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize