I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
