My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
