we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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