And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
