"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
