I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
