Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
