Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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