Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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