Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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