sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
