I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
