he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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